Being Germaphobic

I'm germaphobic. And this is incredibly frustrating at times. I want to check books out from the library and read more, but I can't because I'm afraid of what's in them. I seem like an asshole everytime someone offers me food, because I decline due to being afraid to touch the food without washing my hands. When someone I'm around coughs or sneezes or seems sick, I try and end conversation or move away from them because I don't want to catch what they have. I have wasted countless amounts of food because while I'm eating it I drop it or it brushes up against something. I don't like people touching my things, because I don't want them to get their germs on them. My hands are dry as hell because I wash my hands or use hand sanitizer upwards of 30 times a day.

And the worst part of all of this is that this is incredibly funny to most people. I wish I could eat or drink or do whatever like you can without thinking, but I can't. It's not like I woke up one day and decided that I want to be germaphobic. This is something in my head that has been here since 9th grade, and I don't have a fucking clue why I am the way I am. Hygiene seems like such a trivial thing to so many people, but it's the main thing on my mind at all times.

Sorry, it's been a really up and down night for me.